Panic....but the good kind

I'm in a sort of panic.....I have all these ideas for our wedding, now I just want to nail down some details and get going on it. I'll feel better when the location is booked and my dress is purchased. Which brings me to my next point....where the heck are my w-2's from marriott and the state of utah.....hopefully the tax return is big...I'm probably going to end up using most of it to pay for this wedding.....

127 Days!

A Selfish Post.....UPDATE

It seems that a door must close for a window to open. I strongly dislike (my mother always told me never, hate and always are really strong words, used them wisely) that saying, but I do believe that there is a reason behind why things happen. So this is an update to a previous post which you can ready by clicking HERE. Since this post, we've/I've done a few things on it.

#1 - I bought this CD and I love it!

#2 - I also bought one of these and I love it also! Except mine is 144 piece palate, still love it still wouldn't trade it for anything.

#3 - I bought myself a generic Scentsy......because.....

#4- We signed a lease on one of these:

More about this later, when we get settled in and the house isn't full of boxes. But we LOVE it!

#5 - I have a new job. I love my job and what I'm doing. They have been great to me and I know it's where I'm supposed to be. Without accepting this job, we never would have been able to comfortably afford to live on our own.

#6- We also set a wedding date about 3 days after I started working for Van Cott. June 16, 2011 as long as everything goes smoothly. That's the plan anyway! I'm so excited and Kyle seems to be too, you just have to catch him in the right moment.

Yes, I still want one of these:

But he/she will have to wait until after July of next year. Then we'll see where that want/wish falls into place.

More to come on an update of everything, but it might have to wait until after the new year. Things are a little bit crazy and hectic. But we are loving every minute of it!

Thanks for checking in!

Dunies Baby!

So this last weekend, we had the opportunity to go with Kyle's boss Jason and his wife and some of their friends to the dunes. We had so much fun! I may or may not have fallen in love with their razor and might need one. We even taught Jameson some new signs. Sorry, Steph, you might see treats all the time now. But he's so cute. Thanks again Jason and Stephanie, we had so much fun! Here are just some fun pictures from the weekend trip.

Kyle and Libbi on the 3-Wheeler

(I know, she needs a real helmet, it's next on the list)

Kyle jumping the Blaster

Kyle jumping his bike

Kyle's Little Brother Tyler jumping

He's so handsome!

Cloud Nine

As probably one of the greatest birthday presents ever, I was offered a position at Vancott & Bagley as an Accounts Payable clerk. I don't really know what exactly that means, other than the fact that I now have a job!

I start tomorrow. I'm still not sure this is real, but I know it is. Libbi's not to excited to become a daycare kid again. But we need this, so this is the best option. I'm really excited and floated all day yesterday.

I promise to update with pictures from the sand dunes and past adventures. But I just wanted to remember how excited I was about being offered a position at Vancott. I'm truly excited and grateful to everybody who has helped me and pushed me and done what they could to get me to this point. I'm grateful for prayers and postive energy and for the support I have had to get me here.

Here's to a new adventure!!!

The Tooth Fairy

Here is a funny Libbi story. Before we headed to Cowabunga Bay for an afternoon of fun, we stopped for some lunch at the original Utah In-n-Out. It happens to be in the same parking lot with a Sweet Tooth Fairy bakery. Well, we've had a lot of this going on at our house lately:

As we got back in the car to go to Cowabunga Bay, Libbi read the sign above the shop. She wasn't sure what it meant, so I asked her what she thought it was. Her response, "Well, I think it's a place where you go to get your tooth fairy something after she's picked up all your teeth. You know, like a gift."

Every time I see a Sweet Tooth Fairy Bakery, I'll forever think of it as the place you go to get your tooth fairy a gift when all your teeth are gone. You know, like as a thank you! I love watching her grow up and her imagination. I didn't correct her on what the shop really is. I figure, she'll figure it out soon enough and she doesn't need anybody pointing out to her that she was wrong. You know, like a model home is where the model's live. :)

The Dark Side

I'm just going to post it. Because let's be honest, you have to have some bad mixed in with the good.

I find myself lately with one foot in the dark and the othe trying, sometimes successfully and sometimes unsuccessfully, to pull myself out of the dark depression filled world. I don't know how to explain it. I knew that when I was fired from Marriott I would struggle with depression. This isn't the first time. At the time I was let go, we were on a path of success. With goals that were within reach. I feel like now, I've screwed all of those up and we are back to square one and unsuccessfully moving forward. I've learned that I can be a stay at home home, but I don't really enjoy it. I miss having an outside life and a purpose and feel like I'm contributing to my family. I've loved being home with Libbi and getting to take her and pick her up from school. But I spend 6 hours a day home by myself, with only myself to talk to and that can unravel my day quickly. I spend my days stressed about money, lack of insurance (hoping nobody gets sick or hurt) and trying to get ourselves back on a path of success. Kyle has been supportive of everything and understanding, but this is a daily struggle for me. I find myself planning a nap as soon as the alarm goes off. Setting small, insignificant goals to get through my day and hoping somehow to accomplish even half of them. I spend my day on the verge of tears and worried that if somebody says something to me, I might come unglued. My family has been understanding and supportive and I do my best to hide this away, but I'm not sure how well I'm hiding it and I'm sure they know. Every time I think I need help, I remember that there isn't any insurance to pay for the medication I would have to have to stay balanced, which starts the whole cycle all over again. So for now, I set my goals for the day. Accomplish what I can and hug my daughter and remember that this is good for her. To have her mom at home to help her and to be her friend and teacher.

I know that sounds like it rambles. But I needed to write it down. I needed to get it out of my head. I'm working hard to find a purpose and to help get back on track. But some days, the 'dark' side gets the best of me. I know everything happens for a reason, but I need some sort of direction and I need to stay positive.

Something will come along and we'll be ok. But this week, I'm struggling. It's taken me 5 days to finally post this. Why must Depression have such a stigma attached to it?!?!

A Selfish Post

Today, I'm dreaming of a few things that I would like to own. I know, it's a totally selfish post, but it's my blog, so I can do these kinds of things. Maybe if I write it down, I'll somehow achieve it.

I want to start doing this...

I'm hoping that maybe I'll feel better. Lately I've had some serious pain in my lower back (where my herniated discs are) and into my hips. Not good. So I think it's time to join the treadmill world and some additional something for core strength. And I've always wanted to be more flexible. This is my goal. When I have an action plan, I'll post it here with my goal. Thanks to some good pals for reminding me that this is important. (You can see them here, here, here, and here.)

And since we bought a Wii a couple weeks ago, I also want one of these: I think it would just be benefical and my mom has one. She uses hers almost daily. So I think it would be a worthy investment.

Just because, I want one of each of these:

I also want to do new family pictures. Our last real family picture was at my little sister's wedding 3 years ago. I think it's time. Don't you?

Maybe one of these....I go back and forth. But today, I definetly need one of these:

On the pratical side of life, I also want the following three things:

Yeah, it's true, I'm looking, but it would be great to have something sooner than later so that we can afford the things below.

That's what I'm dreaming about today. A new start, a new adventure and a few material things that I don't really need, but definetly want.

Happy Monday All!

9/11

Today is the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that affected our country on so many levels. It is the day that 4 planes were taken hostage by a radical terrorist group and changed my life forever. I am sad that Libbi will not know how this impacted my life, that she will only know about this tragedy through TV specials and discussions in history class. I truly hope that her generation will NEVER see something like this and that the impact will always be something we talk about, not something she has to experience. I am sad that she doesn’t understand the significance of the pledge of allegiance each morning in school or that impact of the national anthem. I know that some of that responsibility lies on our shoulders as her parents and I want her to know how grateful I am to be an American. To have that knowledge and to know what it means. She informed me the other day that they do recite the pledge every morning, I’m so grateful for that. I think it is important for our children to celebrate our nation’s history each day. To remember what all of our soldiers and their families have sacrificed so that we have the right and opportunity to be free and to practice what we believe. Libbi and I had a conversation last week about what 9/11 means and why it is so important. I was telling her the story about where I was and that day is still etched in my memories as if it were yesterday. For my own account, in the instance that this memory becomes less vivid for me, I want to know what happened to me that day.

On Tuesday morning of September 11, 2001, I was just getting into the routine of being a Senior. For some reason that morning as I got ready for school, I was not listening to the radio. I missed all the news reports and the information as it was happening. When I walked into my first period (Mrs. Ott’s chemistry class) I overheard some people talking about the first plane hitting the first tower. I was only briefly listening and I wasn’t processing the information. That day happened to be lab day and Mrs. Ott quickly put us in the lab to complete the assignment. About half way through the lab, Mrs. Ott came in to inform us that a second plane had just hit the second tower. She was visibly upset, but again, I was still trying to process what all this meant. She would not allow us out of the lab until our assignment was finished. This class ended and I made my way through the high school out to our portable classrooms for my sociology class. This is where the biggest impact to me came. I walked into that room and my sociology teacher was parked in front of his TV in a red chair. I don’t think he even took role that day; class wasn’t anything other than watching news reports and trying to process this information. I think we had a loose discussion about what this meant. I walked out of class in a daze and somehow made it to my psychology class. I don’t remember much about that day from there. I’m not even sure we talked about it at home as a family. I was 17 and self absorbed in my world and my routine. It took a few days for the full impact of what had happened to sink in and to be real to me. I remember that morning and I remember the disbelief that this was truly happening on our soil, in my home and the fear of being attacked. New York, DC and Pennsylvania seemed so far away, but my heart broke for the families that will be affected by this tragedy for the rest of their lives.
The greatest impact to me came a year or so later as a freshman at Utah State. When I had the opportunity to go to a memorial on the quad on the one year anniversary. To participate in that moment of silence. I remember having Family Home Evening in my front room in Logan. Where one of the young men, who happened to be part of the army was listening to a small radio, listening to see if his life would be affected by a deployment. He did end up being deployed during my sophomore year. This is when it became real to me. When I knew that this was not going to be something that the United States was going to let become something that happened. We would stand up and fight for our rights and our freedom.

This year, as I sat on the couch explaining to Libbi what 9/11 means and why it’s important, I had tears in my eyes. When I turned 18, my mom put together a book of letters to me. I don’t think she will ever know how much that book means to me. That’s a post for another day, the reason I mention it is because there is a portion of the letter my Grandpa Parrish wrote to me that I remember often. At 18, his future was decided for him. He would be drafted and sent across the sea to fight for my freedom and my rights. His words to me said, you are 18 and you have the opportunity to go and choose something different than I did. I can only imagine that the way I felt on 9/11/01 is similar to the way the United States felt on the morning of December 7, 1941. My Grandpa is my hero. He is loving and kind, full of inspiration and positivity. Even having been drafted and sent to fight, he is humble about his experiences, that he went to fight for his country and for the freedom I am still able to experience today.

With the attacks on 9/11, it sent many families into a direct effect of war and loss. I have seen families be affected and know many people that I graduated with that have accepted the call to serve our country and how their families are affected by their selfless act of service. I want them to know, how grateful I am to their willingness and their continued service to our country. I have close family who have been affected personally with deployments and military life. I can’t imagine how they do it, but I’m grateful for their strength.

As I’ve watched multiple things today about 9/11 and how it affected our life 10 years ago. I have been teary eyed as I see what has impacted the lives of many. I’m glad we have the 4th of July to celebrate our independence with celebrations and fun things. I’m grateful that September 11, is a somber day. A day of remembrance and a day of reflection. I’m proud to be an American and that these radical terrorist will never be able to take that away from me. I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I’ll never forget the men and women, who will forever be heroes, who have given of their lives and their time to defend that right for me.

I will Learn to Forgive.

I will NEVER Forget.

August Adventures

August was full of lots of fun. Kyle took his vacation and we had some fun close to home. It was nice to have him home and available for family fun. He spent quite a few of his days off on his motorcycle enjoying the time he had to ride. Here are some highlights:

Day One:
Liberty Park, Paddle boats and some lunch.



Day Two:
We used our day passes for Cowabunga Bay for an afternoon of fun. It was a little chilly but we still had fun. Libbi went up to one of the tallest slides with Kyle. (I don’t do tunnel slides, it has something to do with the closterphobia factor). It’s a very small water park, but fun. I think Libbi would have had more fun if we had taken somebody her age to play with. There was a small wind blowing that day and the slides are all on a large structure, so with the wind blowing, it was a little chilly to stand in the lines. But, we had fun and enjoyed ourselves.

Day Four:
We had some lunch at Red Robin and wandered through the mall. We stopped to feed the ducks that afternoon at the local cannel. Libbi had fun throwing bread over the fence to the ducks, goats, sheep and geese.

Day Five:
We had a fairly boring day. Nothing much happened.

Day six: Kyle’s Birthday!
Kyle and I took the opportunity to go riding up at Bountiful. Libbi spent the afternoon with Grandma. Happy Birthday to Kyle! You are an amazing and loving dad. I love you more today than I did 8 years ago.

We also had the opportunity to take Libbi to Lagoon for the first time. We enjoyed a day with some of Kyle’s co-workers and their families. Thanks again for a day of fun. We took Libbi on the log flume and Colossus very first and she loved them. We also ran into Miss Jen and Miss Julie from Libbi’s daycare and so Libbi and I spent some time in kiddie land riding rides with Zane and Alicia.

As August came to an end, Marriott and I ended our contract of employment. It was unexpected and not planned. I’m sad about it. I’m upset, I’m worried and concerned, but I have to stay positive. Otherwise the day gets the best of me and I’ll become unproductive, unmotivated and unable to function. I know there are reasons I was allowed to be employed there. I made some amazing friends that I hope to stay in touch with and I want them to know how much they mean to me and how grateful I am to each of them for their friendship. They made work a little bit of home and a little easier to tolerate. I know there is a reason I worked there and that reason changed almost daily. It’s time for a new adventure I guess. But it’s hard and job hunting is not how I would like to ideally spend my day.

Libbi also started first grade this year. She is in Mrs. Kwak’s class and enjoying first grade for the most part. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks as we learned a new normal. She is such a smart girl. We have already had our first parent teacher conference and learned that she is doing exceptionally well and that her Dibble scores are high. I’m so proud of her and all that she is learning and how smart she is.

We also had the opportunity to celebrate birthdays for both my dad and Kyle’s great-Grandma Ila. I love family birthday dinners at my grandparent’s house. It seems like such a piece of home and I love those memories. I’m so grateful that Libbi will have memories like that.
Great –Grandma Ila turned 97 this year. She is such a cute grandma and we have some great pictures from her birthday party.

We ended our summer on Labor day. Libbi enjoyed a day with my family at Boondocks in Kaysville. I’m so glad that she has such a great relationship with my family. Kyle and I went out to five mile pass for a day of riding.

One morning, when I took Libbi to school, she wanted to say Hello to her cousin Bailey (who recently moved to Maine), so we stopped in to say hi!

Yay for August and the fun we’ve had.

Some July Fun?

Well, since I know you are all curious....this is what we've been up to in July.

We started the month celebrating Libbi's birthday. With what my sister Kjerstin says was the longest birthday celebration EVER. She might even have called it longer than her birthday celebrations. I think that is open for debate. Anyway.... We let Libbi open some of her presents early.

Walking up at 6:00 am to open presents before daycare

(All the presents opened. New Ballet Shoes, New Tap Shoes and a leotard)

Since she's been dancing around the house, we thought we'd give her a crash course in dance lessons this summer. We signed her up with a fabulous studio in Centerville. She went to dance after a fun day at Grandma's. After her crash course, she's decided she likes ballet and tumbling, doesn't care much for jazz and hates tap. I think it's mostly because her shoes are too small. I promise, when I ordered them, they were the right size, she's just growing that fast.

(After her first day of dance class)

We also had a fun swim party with Aunt Eileen and Aunt Nancy and Eileen's friend Cynthia and her grand daughter Tori. We had lots of fun swimming and playing and eating cake. Thanks again for a great party!
We also took Amanda to do a fun 6 year old photo shoot. But let's be honest, that definetly deserves it's own post. Watch for some of the favorites to be posted later. Let's just say, its stated with this: After all that fun, we celebrated her actual birthday with dinner at Grandma's. Her dinner menu included roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, zucchini, watermelon, rolls and chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I don't have any pictures....I'll have to see if my mom took any good ones.

On her actual birthday we did lots of things she wanted to do. Like went to lunch at the mall. Rode the carousel in the mall. Headed to Hollywood connection for a movie, some arcade games and some ice cream. She decided before the movie started that she would rather go swimming, so we went to the Murray city pool for some swimming fun. The girl is fearless. She went off the diving board multiple times (with her life jacket) swam to the side and went down the waterslide all by herself. Enjoy some birthday fun photo's. (Maybe even a video...but I'm not sure how to get it on here.)

Look, she's finally big enough to ride it. I'm still a little apprehensive about the whole thing.

The birthday fun ended with a night stay at the Springhill Suites in Lehi at Thanksgiving point. We had fun swimming and wandering around Thanksgiving point and enjoying a nice little drive in the 'new' bronco. This is one of those things that I love about my job. Sometimes all you need is a quick night away and one of my benefits is a deeply discounted option.

We also got the privledge of visiting our local Instacare for some stiches. The boys had gone out to ride their motorcycles and to give Cody a test run. I got a phone call about 11:30 am that said "Meet me in the ER" I'd like to tell you this is the first time I've received a phone call similar to this. But it's not. At least I wasn't at work this time. Anyway, we called and verified that instacare could do stitches and headed that direction. Basically, the story became that he had cut his leg open on a bolt. (Period) While working on a bike. (Period) This is what it looks like:

It's a bloody mess!

Stitches All Cleaned Up
Stitches Cleaned Up 2

Finally, our month ended with the end of the mud terrian tire era.

And then this happend:
A crack in the windshield.....grrr!


Ok, so that's July in a nutshell.